It's finally in...

Well, our little man's headstone is finally in. It is sort of bitter sweet. I'm happy that it is in and I can finally go there and bring flowers. I'm happy that he is "defined" by a location. I'm happy that his name is displayed for the world to see. I am however sad that the headstone even exists. I am however sad that when I go there I never get to see him. I am sad and happy about the whole thing.

above his name is says "forever in our hearts"

Aiden, you have changed your Mama's life in so many ways. I'm happy to have gotten the chance to meet you, even though you were already gone. I'm happy for the time we did get to spend together. You will always be in my heart forever and always!

I miss him...

I find myself missing Aiden at very random times. It doesn't give any warning. It doesn't ask in advance. It just hits like a ton of bricks. Today is one of those days. I miss him like crazy and wish that I could hold him one more time.

Today I went out to the cemetary where he was laid to rest. We ordered his headstone almost 2 months ago. The cemetary is supposed to notify us when it is in....however we still haven't heard anything. So, I took a drive to spend my lunch with my son. As I drove in I saw all kinds of beautiful flowers marking the spot of loved ones. I wish I could put out flowers, but I have to wait until his headstone is there. As I approached I realized that his was still missing. I sat and spent time with him. I picked away at the grass around his marker. I straighted it. I yearned to be able to touch him.

I miss you like crazy little man! Mama loves you!