How this pregnancy feels...

When it comes to losing a child, there tends to be a misconception that once you become pregnant, you no longer hurt as deeply as you did before you got pregnant. I just want to clear up quickly, that the pain of losing Aiden is no less today than it was 4 months ago. The pain has changed many times and it's definitely different today than it was at the beginning, but having another baby doesn't in any way take away that pain. Instead, like many other things have, it adds a new level to the hurt.

First, being pregnant again is a constant reminder of my pregnancy with Aiden. I'm reminded daily of every thought, dream, and hope I had for him. There were times before that being around pregnant women was just too much, I had to escape "pregnancy" to give my heart a break from the hurt that it reminded me of. Now, I have no escape. Pregnancy is scary for me, and it's hard to remind myself that it doesn't usually end in pain. That not every baby has a cord accident. I know that all I can do is trust God and his plan.


I found this post from another person whose blog I read. I changed a few things to fit ME, but what she said fits perfectly. It is exactly how I feel. Although I'm excited about being pregnant and about this baby inside of me, it doesn't take away the fact that I still morn the loss of my sweet precious Aiden. It also doesn't take away the fact that pregnancy, even though is exciting, it is also a very scary time for me. When you lose a child you worry about all the what ifs and hope and pray that it never happens again! Having this baby won't replace Aiden, it is just an addition to our family...a chance to give Zachary an earthly sibling.